I have always had a weight problem. I loathe my body and food on most days. Then on some days I love food and just deal with my body. I have worked out and ate right and it still seems like too much work.

I guess I’m well porportioned. Most people say I hold my weight good and don’t look as fat as the scale says. I am half portuguese so I have big thieghs regardless of how much I workout or diet.

I’m 35 and I have a physically active job. When I come home I don’t want to workout. I want to drown in alcohol. Yeah, I know, that’s no good for my body either. And that’s a whole other post.

I don’t know what to write about but I feel I need to say something. Who am I? I’m Amy Jane. I have a daughter who is 14 now and the product of a abusive relationship 13 years ago. Once married (no not to my daughters, ahem, sperm donor) , to a gangster on hiatus/alcoholic/ “ex dope fiend” (uh huh). I’m now with this incredible guy who is a machinist at the machine shop I have been working at for the past 4 years. We have been seeing each other for two of those years.

I am half portuguese and half irish/english/german/ dutch/ french/ souixe indian…. and I think that’s all. I had a shitty weird childhood. I was a painfully shy, chubby, never popular and turned totally awkward like in the 3rd grade. That lasted until I gradutated high school for a split second. I was fat and awkward again un til after I gave birth to my daughter when I was 22. My teen years were alcohol and weed filled. Well not that much. Like a weekend thing. I had home school from sophmore to senior year but I wasn’t drinking or smoking all the time. I was the only girl in my home school class that wasn’t pregnant. Yah. I was just a lazy under achiever whose parents (divorced for 15 years by then) didn’t mind that I went to home school! Yay! I graduated with a 3.5 GPA.

My life has been crazy. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Not as interesting as Courtney Love, but damn near (kinda).

I’m writing this for entertainment and prespective. I know I have things to say and funny/fucked up stories to tell. From the totally trivial teenage boredom to drug and/or alcohol fueled nights and/or days as an adult (or trying to be an adult).

Yah. I’m crazy. Don’t trust the shy ones….